Is he or isn't he?

Are you just stoned, or dead?
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Leo just told me that Mitch Hedberg died! Is this true? I've been frantically searching for news of his death, or how he died and when and all that important information you want to know about someone you don't know, but got see once and laughed so hard you almost shit yourself. Please don't let it be true. Someone help me on this search. I was hoping it's just a pre-April fool's thing, but why would he do that? Ahhhhhhh. Why do all the good ones die. But the Ray Romano's of the world are alive and telling jokes about their annoying, crappy kids. So unfair. Someone send me a news article about this, because so far Leo came up with one thing from Howard Stern, but it didn't really say he died.

Peace.

To all the fools I've fooled before.

You've been fooled, bitch.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I know there's 2 more days until April Fool's Day, and to me this is my favorite holiday. Hanukkah, Passover, New Years. BORING. But, April Fool's is the greatest, especially when I hear extreme stories about British radio stations telling their people to start driving on the right side of the road. Hahah. That shit is the greatest. I've never done anything that brillant before, but here's a list of things I have done and a few that's been done to me.

1) I told my mom I won the McDonald's monopoly game and she bought it! It was pretty funny.

2) I had just started seeing this boy in college (who turned out to be gay years later, by the by) when my roommate's friend left this long message how she just met this terrific guy and how she knew he was hooking up with someone else but that she didn't care, and then she said his name, and I remember being so heartbroken. That, I think, was the start of my April Fool's revenge to everyone in the world. If someone gets me, I must get you back! MWAHAHAHAH!

3) Ex tells me that our friend caught another friend having gay sex, and that we can't tell his girlfriend. I was like, huh, what. Good one.

4) I told everyone that Nik was gay. He probably is. Him and his friend, Jeff were so gay on eachother, I really wouldn't be surprised. (not sure why there's so many gay april fool's here. maybe because it's shocking when someone you thought definitely wasn't, actually was)

5) I think my mom once told me she was pregnant (at like 56), and I smelled April Fool's from a mile away. Nice try.

Gosh, i can't remember any more of them. But now I have to think up a good one, especially since it's on a Friday this year, and the fact that so much shit has been happening with me, and we'll be celebrating Maya's birthday that day. Any ideas? I need something good!

peace.

Stay away.

You stink! No, really.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I just ate a shit ton of garlic soaked pasta, and although it was quite delicious, I totally stink. I don't even want to talk to myself because my breath smells so bad. Good thing I'm not trying to get with any boys at work, or I'd be doomed for sure.

Speaking of boys at work, I can't trust the art director (hehe). I write one thing in yesterday's blog, and he got all middle school on me. So, I was forced to edit myself. Not that you care, but I don't like taking out bits just because someone might see it. Hohum.

So, is anyone in love with the new Adidas commercial as much as I am? I heard Kathy O. - the chick that sang the song in the background - is gonna make it into a full length version. Suweet.

On other news.... I watched The Bachelor, and honestly, it wasn't that bad. With the new "rules", and the hopes that Jerry O'Connell will appear in each and every episode, I might just be excited every Monday. Thank god too, because Fear Factor blows!

As for a list today, I've decided to dedicate this one to the roommate:

Things I'll miss about the roommate and the house we lived in:

1) He gives me things for free, like an air conditioner, full-length mirror, binoculars, painting supplies, medicine ball, etc.

2) He's totally cool with letting me borrow shit, letting me take naps on his couch, letting me watch reality tv whenever I want (unless Deadwood is on).

3) He has grown-up super uber comfy furniture. I will never have it this good again- or at least not for another 10 years.

4) ALL his magazine subscriptions. Readymade, EW, Newsweek, Esquire, etc. I will have to suck it up and actually get Readymade. Damn it.

5) He never gets angry when I'm being stubborn and girly.

6) He doesn't get all boy on me when I cry.

7) He likes to go on hikes.

8) The backyard we had was so awesome. I will have to sleep outside the next few days just to absorb the awesomeness of the backyard. And I'm so upset that I won't be able to watch the pretty trees spring their pretty leaves. I should take pictures with my Holga as a memory. My new yard is nice, but it overlooks the neighbors that throw their trash in their yard and let their dog shit on all the said trash. Gross.

9) I loved roommate's amoir. I want one just like it in my new room right now, damn it!

10) We actually did the roommate cooking/splitting food thing really well. I've never eaten so healthy before. Hope new Kosher roomie will cook with me.

And for a list of the thing(s) I couldn't stand about the roommate:

1) His ex-girlfriend was way too fucking loud! (hehe- gross- gag)

The end.

3 blogs in one day!

I know, but this is what happens when I'm at the studio. But there's a good reason for the 3rd blog. For the love of God, if you're going to eat crappy, fast food from Wendy's (which WAS actually my favorite out of all the crap fast foods) then don't dare eat the chili. Go for my favorite -- the Frosty.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Business/story?id=619456&page=1

And you're never coming back!

Haha. You're dead.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I've had about 10 people this week tell me, in a joking matter (but deep down you know they hate me just a little bit), that I killed Jesus.

I'm like, "Whoa. I don't need that pressure. I wasn't there. I didn't do shit."

They were like, "Yes, you did. You killed out God!"

So, I'm all like, "Jesus dude (hehe). Calm the fuck down. Remember the H. in Jesus H. Christ probably stands for Horowitz, so there!"

And they're all like, "Good point, jewy. Let's fuck this whole bunny/pastel egg nonsense and hang with your kind."

And then we all said, "om"

The end.

Reply all.

Why am I so tired? Oh, right. It's Monday.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

So tired, that I could barely keep my eyes open to watch Desperate Housewives. I feel like I missed a lot, and that I'm confused with the show at this point. Anyone with me on this?

Also, as much as I shouldn't watch the newest and thank-god-it's-the-last installment of The Bachelor, I know I will because I'm a sucker and that's what suckers do, don't they?

Speaking of things people shouldn't do, can I get an Amen for the unneccesary usage of Reply All. Amen! Thank you (oh geez, first sign of going crazy must be talking to yourself on your own blog!!). Anyway, I shouldn't say this is always annoying, just annoying when I get 50 emails from people I've never met, will never meet and usually the first email I received is something so stupid that I wouldn't care to reply to that person let alone his/her 50 friends. Stop the madness!

Speaking of madness, when will basketball be over already!! I'm not even sure if UF is still in it, but if they are then, oh fuck, I really don't care.

Just watched a bunch of shitty trailers, and ate way too much free sushi and a delicious smoothie. Is it me or are movies getting really, really bad these days? I did see one good trailer out of the bunch. Assisted Living. Check it out.

Side note: Congrats to Mark and Thom on getting 100 percent completion on San Andreas. I knew you could do it. Even if it only took 134 hours.

Next side note: The Incredicles wasn't all that (i'm not gonna say it, but you know what i'm getting at). Sorry, Mark. I know you watched it like 5 times this weekend, but I rather watch Harold and Kumar, or Kramer vs. Kramer, or anything with 2 names in the movie title.

Last side note: Realize this blog really isn't about anything today. Just a bunch of nonsense. Probably because it's Monday, and I'm at the studio watching the technician play Halo 2.

I'll let my blog speak for itself.

I hate moving! Too exhausted to write blog, but to wired to just sit still. So much more packing to do. So little time to do it.

I can't wait till I live in a house where I don't have to keep most of my shit still in boxes. Because really, I'm just moving boxes that are already filled with crap and transporting them to another basement where they will stay in their boxes and live there until I have to move them someplace else. And so on and so forth.

Where is that damn time machine already, so I can fast forward through this shit. This is why I need either a) a boyfriend who would at least split the pain of moving with me or b) enough money to hire someone to do it all for me. I, of course, have neither.

I thought I was almost done. Then after my first round of dropping my shit of at Steve's I realized I'm so not even close to being done. Not even a smidgen (sp?).

Did I mention that I HATE MOVING!!!!

Okay, must lay on couch until I either pass out or get too bored watching stupid fuck Paris Hilton on SNL. Ooh, except the musical act seemed really good. Shit, I forgot his name, but loved his outfit....

peace.

P.S. This is for Nicole, who doesn't even read this anymore (all work and no play, blah blah blah). As I was driving from home 1 to home 2, I was listening to Detroit's NPR and a band named STOOL (hehe) came on. I could make some crude joke involving cornbits, but I won't. They were actually pretty darn good. Check em out.

If I think it's funny, then it's funny damn it!

What if my hair looked like this? Just a thought.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I'm listening to the Eels right now and I wish I could just start dancing right on my poorly designed desk. But man, do I like this song.

Yay for Mark being able to quit and then having them in turn say, just leave now and we'll still give you 2 weeks pay. How lucky is this guy? He always seems to manage those kind of weird deals. At least I got his kick ass goodwill oversized chair, not more than 5 minutes after he left. Hehe. I had to act fast.

The funny thing I'm referring to in the title of today's blog, is that the last 2 times I've talked to my mom she asked me about "Your friend named, how do you say it Mayard? Mayaroni? Oh, I don't know" And I kept thinking, how hard is it to say Maya? It's not too unusual of a name. That's when I realized, oh my, she must think her actual name is Mayarn. Like it's some new age, hip hop Gwenth Paltrow type thing. Hehe. Maybe I only think it's funny. But I bet Mayarn will think it's funny too. So there.

I've decided something major. I'm getting an ipod! This is a huge investment for me. Especially since I want the most expensive one, but I think I'll just end up with the 30g. I really would like the one with the most music possible, because I have so much to put on but I realized that I can't part with 450 dollars. Not sure how I'm validating giving 300 dollars to apple, but at least it's not 450.

Now for changing the subject. I never remember my dreams. And yet yesterday I remembered one very vividly. Probably because Maya, Nicole and I were talking about dreams and that one of the spots Nicole and I were thinking up involved dreams, and the fact that the last Radio Free Rosco I saw involved dreams, but that's neither here nor way the fuck over there. Anyway, the dream was about my ex and he came over and we were looking through pictures. Then he tried to kiss me but I wouldn't let him. I think I know the meaning to this, but then again I don't know if I necessarily believe that dreams have meanings. I think we bring them on ourself, or maybe it was the fact that I had 2 cups of coffee yesterday, which I never ever do. Where am I going with this? Ah, who cares, right?

Anyway, I have way too much work to keep writing to you fools. So, I'm out.

I have absolutely nothing to write.

Ooh, spooky.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Nicole is always saying, how do you blog almost everyday. And that she wouldn't have anything to write about. I say, it's easy. The key is to bullshit. But as I'm sitting at my cube, staring at my computer underneath the blinding (literally, i'm starting to see dots) lights I realize I have absolutely nothing at all to say. Now, to most of you, you're probably thinking thank god. Shut that bitch up. Stop complaining. Stop whining. Just stop. And to that, I would have to say, I'm trying, but I like to vent, and if I can't do it to my blog then who the fuck can I do that to? So, here is a list of things I was going to blog about today but decided not to because I don't have that much to say today.

1. Sin City actually looks like a comic book movie I'd really enjoy. I just hope it doesn't blow huge cornfilled turds.

2. Mark- congrats on going to Saatchi. I'll be sad, but I know you'll be way happy. Who am I going to cry to at work now? Will I have to actually get an Entertainment Weekly subscrition?

3. I am officially moving. Let the packing begin.

4. Thanks to Maya, I will be seeing Electric Six and The Decemberist. Good work.

5. Kelly should NOT buy a purse that's in the shape of a dog for 3.50. But she did, because she's Kelly and that's what Kelly does.

6. I'm secretly very very jealous that 2 PCers got jobs at Fallon and Goodby.

7. For not having anything to write about, I just realized I wrote 6 topics that I could easily write a page worth of nonsense.

8. But I won't. Peace.

Momcho.

Better than a mancho.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

So, my mom just asked me to knit her a poncho! She is so funny when it comes to trendy clothes. She'll wear her stir up pants that she's been sporting for about 15 years and combine it with either a Lavern and Shirly type shirt, ya know the monogrammed shirts with your initial on them (gag!), or a tie-dyed shirt with holes in it. Now I guess she's rediscovered her peace, love and happiness glory days of the past and wants me to make her a poncho, when she lives in florida and right now I'm betting it's so damn hot people are wearing bathing suits to work. Either way, I'm happy to make this for her because she is my mommy and I'd do anything for her. Problem is, I don't know if I can make the leap from making scarves to hats that don't fit me to some really hard complicated poncho. Any advice? I know Maya should. And how much you think this is gonna cost her (cause I as sure for shit ain't paying). I was thinking of using that tie-dyed yarn Maya got for real cheap. But then I wasn't sure if that's poncho material. I hate these decisions. Maya- Help!

On a different note, I met the prettiest guy last night. Then some girl came and I didn't know if he was with her or because he was so pretty that maybe he was gay. Either way, we only talked for a half hour, so I'll probably never see him again. Wah Wah.

It's in the 40's today!! How exciting!! I can't wait to see green on the trees. I can't wait to go to Ann Arbor and meet cute hippy boys, and go to outdoor festivals and wear t-shirts instead of sweaters. I can't wait for me actually really getting contacts so I can wear my kick ass shades and sport them everyday in the wonderful spring weather. I can't believe I'm getting this excited about the weather being 40 degrees. See ya laters you wimpy, cheesehead Floridans. I've officially gotten use to this crap weather here. But thank god it's almost over!!!

I did nothing this weekend, and loved it!

I'm in love!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Besides some random visits from friends, knitting and a midnight concepting session for a spot due the next day, I basically sat my ass on Mark's comfy couch and watch a shit ton of TV. Here's a list of everything I watched Friday-Sunday:

Degrassi: The Next Generation (not as good as DJH)

Radio Free Rosco - I loved this show! It's like 90210, but better and with dj's. Take my word for it.

Caddyshack - I can cross that movie off the list. It was indeed funny.

Unscripted - I watched the whole first season. Burp! I really liked it. Hope it goes to another season, because it seems that George Clooney makes a new HBO series every month. We'll see what happens with this one.

13 going on 30 - Not funny. Not interesting. Not even close to Big. And Jennifer Garner bothers the shit out of me. She seems to always be flexing her arms. Ugh.

What not to wear (BBC) - We don't get BBC with the regular cable, so when I searched for shows on our On Demand I was pleasantly surprised that BBC is one of the channels they have. I loved this show, and always thought it was much better than the crap american duo they have now.

Sex and the City - I had to squeeze one in.

Oh, and a behind the scenes of Garden State. Whew. That was enough TV for a month. I think I had my fix and probably overloaded. I'm done now. At least I didn't spend any money. Oh, crap, I did. I bought 20 bucks worth of knitting crap. But they will become amazing dishclothes that I'll love and you can't have any!

Oh my god. There is so much work to do. I can't be blogging for like a week, but I'm sure I will.

This is why I like advertising.

http://www.brawnyman.com/innocentescapes/player.aspx?mID=112129


Okay, I'm not blogging anymore today. Scouts honor.

I thought there was music in Michigan. I was wrong.

The 3 month Itch
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Maybe it's because I've been poor for so long, but I feel like I haven't seen music in such a long time. I used to see a concert at least once a month. And the last time I saw something was The Pixies. Oh, wait. I lied I saw Scissor Sisters for free, but I was too tired to really enjoy them. Bottom line is I need to find more music, acutally I should rephrase that. I need to find cheap concerts to go to. Anyone know of anything good playing soon? I'm into almost anything that's cheap. I don't mean 30 dollar cheap. I mean 5-10 cheap. I'm on a budget, remember.

I was going to see Bob Weir, and you'd think all these Michiganders were hippies, but I haven't found anyone to go with. Everyone here seems too cool to be hippies. Whatever. Get over it people. It's good music, and everyone should listen to everything, including fun hippy music you can actually twirl to.

I'm starting to hate music like Coldplay, for the reason that if I saw them in concert I know I'd be pretty bored. Staring at a field of couples rowing back and forth, as I hear smacking sounds and the lulls of Chris Martin's voice. OOh, fun! Where do I pay my 50 dollars to see that. Whatever.

Don't get me wrong, I like that kind of weepy music. I just don't want to spend money to sit on a picnic blanket with my lighter in the air. I want to dance, damn it!

Partners in crime.

Finally, Flickr!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Hehe. Nicole and Leo shouldn't hate me for putting their picture up. They should rejoice that now they are officially part of the internet world. Or whatever.

It was nice to have a night off from drinking. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of it. I don't like spending the money. I don't like drinking and driving. And I don't like that stench I have when I come home. Plus, I always think I'm going to meet people while drinking, when really I just stand by the same old people I came with.

So, in response to the anonymous person that commented on this blog accusing me of becoming an alcoholic, you can go outside, find a tree, yank the longest, thickest branch off that tree and then shove it really far up that fat ass of yours.

On other news, I think this weekend will actually be work free. Or at least I won't have to be at the office. That's a nice change of plans, considering the last 2 weeks have been a little nutty.

Ooh, I hate my blind side. I almost hit someone and probably gave the sorry signal otherwise known as me raising my right hand with a slight shrug at least 10 times. I over sorried it. What got me was the lady I almost reemed into barely honked. It was more like a soft beep. Stupid me for not paying enough attention. And stupid her for not letting me realize this with a loud annoying honk.

I can't really blog, but I'm gonna anyway.

Ugh. Why is Flickr not working?!

I wanted to show pictures of the drunken festivites whilst celebrating Nicole's birthday, but of course Flickr blows. She didn't throw up like we had all hoped for, and so Lew won the whole 7 dollar bet. I really don't have the time, so I'll just sign off with a few words from yesterday:

1)My mom read your blog and she said you have a potty mouth!

2)Do you have a buttery nipple?

3)Lew was going to pay me a dollar if I walked by his cube every hour on the hour..

4)Who wants to bet that Nicole and Leo are gonna do it right here on the table?

5)Are you a big girl or not? Take the shot!

6)If you don't take that in one gulp, it's anal sex for you!

7)Nicole, stop trying to kiss me!!

Gosh, I'm not even sure some of these things were actually said. After a few shot and a few more beers I was probably as gone as Nicole. No more drinking this week. I can't be an alcoholic for sure. It's not the life for me.

Finding pictures isn't as neccessary as I thought.

Go to this website. It's pretty darn cool. And once again, thanks carl, who most likely got it from anja. So, really, thanks anja.

www.billyharvey.com

And for the record, I'm not looking cute at the office again. It just causes trouble. If I hear one more, "Oh, you're wearing a skirt!" I swear I'll just take it off and hand it to him/her and say, "There. Now I'm not wearing a skirt! Leave me alone!".

You'd think it was a national holiday with how many people came up to me about it. I know I should take it as a compliment, but do I really look like a slob the rest of the week? Wait, maybe I do. I do! I do! Ya know why, because I don't give a shit. If I feel like wearing crap one day and look cute the next, so be it. But stop harrasing me about it damn it! Hehe. I'm just playin'.

Must drink lots of alcohol, and more importantly win a bet.

Peace.

Stupid Flickr.

I've been trying to download a stupid picture of someone's stupid baby for like 45 minutes now. So, I gave up. I'll be pictureless I guess.

I had this discussion with Nicole yesterday about babies. And the way I see it, I'm in no rush AT ALL. That seems to be way too much responisibity. And people here pop them out when they're 20, which I just think is n-uts!. I'm still so selffish. And I like going out and doing things. I don't want the next 18 years of my life consumed with changing diapers, and smelling like shit all day long. I think some people just have babies so that they can feel better about their lives. I think that some of these people are selffish, by that they just want something else to love them. That's what I think at least.

Don't get me wrong, maybe one day, like 10 years from now I'll consider it. But I think I have some weird not wanting baby gene that makes me not want any of that. I see a baby, I think it's cute, I keep walking. I don't goo goo ga ga at it. I actually think right after I see said cute baby, that ugh- thank god I don't have to take care of that thing all day long.

And another thing. All these parents change. You say you won't, but you do. You're tired all the time. You start worrying about more shit. Basically, you become really fucking lame.

Maybe I'll work at a day care center. I used to do that, and I acutually loved it. I got to have my 15 babies for a few hours. I'd get them all dirty in the sandbox, and have them do ridiculous art projects. And just around the time they start getting cranky from not having a long enough nap, their parents would show up and have to take them home and deal with their bratty, not wanting to eat broccoli shit. It was perfect.

I'm sure I'll get shit from this blog, cause all you vags will have a fit about how amazing babies are. Blah blah.

On a non baby note: Tonight is go get drunk because it's Nicole's birthday. And I'm wearing a super cute skirt with fishnet tights!! If I don't get a kiss I might as well become some kind of rabbi.

Word.

I hate looking for pictures when I'm drunk!

Hey,

So, the 4 hour meeting wasn't actually that bad. I didn't win an ipod, but I did get free lunch and booze, so yay for me! Which means now I'm a little tipsy. Must wait before I drive home. So I guess I'll sit here, listen to Bob Marley , probably bug Nicole and Matt and find the energy to drive myself back home.

If I forget tomorrow... Happy birthday Nicole. Man, you are fucking old!

I just deleted a line about a certain creative recruiter that pissed off Maya, and that I actually sent my book to him once as well. I was gonna rip him a new asshole, but decided that wasn't a good move, because you never know when you have to kiss said recruiter's ass in a few years. Thus, I digress.

P.S. Actually saw one cute boy at an agency function today. Didn't know they exsisted at this agency? But maybe it was the huge beer at lunch, and the 2 glasses of wine at meeting.

Just kidding Leo and Matt. Meow!

Too busy...

I actually get to leave work, to do one of my favorite things in the whole entire world- a 4 hour long meeting! Man, am I pumped.

I don't really have other news, beside the fact that my mom called me this morning, and it always scares me when she calls during unusual hours because I get this sick feeling that someone just died.... But she calls to tell me that my blog makes her sad, and that I shouldn't say some things. Gosh, ma- I said. It's just a blog, not the meaning of my fucking life. No worries mommy. I still love ya. And I don't r really sit by myself in the back of a bar reading a book and listening to Jeff Buckley. I do this with friends by my side and lots of alcohol in our tummy's.

This day will be as long as this blog.

If you were a list, what kind would you be?
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Since all I seem to do is make lists, I've finally decided to make a list of all things about me. Enjoy.

101 things about me:

1. I'm jewish, but not really.
2. I do make wicked awesome potato laktes though. Oh, and omlettes. But that's not really a jewish thing.
3. I love going to concerts.
4. I went to Bonnaroo 2 years ago, and getting an RV is the only way to go.
5. I can't really cook, but I'm too poor to eat out. So, I just invent things and hope for the best.
6. I've lived in Florida for most of my life. I think I've been spoiled by good, warm weather.
7. I can't stand being cold.
8. I hate looking pale.
9. Guys with skinny legs sort of creep me out.
10. So do guys with hairy chests/backs.
11. I wish I could make soundtracks for movies. I'm pretty sure that's my true dream job.
12. I've had a total of 22 stiches. 15 of them were on my big toe.
13. I've broken one leg. I jumped a fence in flip flops. Obviously, a mistake.
14. My music taste changes all the time. But I know I will never like Shaina Twain.
15. I've listened to Postal Service about 1000 times within the last few months.
16. Right now I'm really tired.
17. I'm single, but I'm trying to change that.
18. I've been single for 7 very long months.
19. I can't whistle.
20. I can't juggle either.
21. I can crack almost everything. And oh, does it feel great when I'm sitting in a chair all day.
22. I work out 5 days a week.
23. Even if I'm hungover.
24. I try to eat healthy.
25. I haven't been to a McDonald's in probably over a year.
26. I've been drinking cranberry and vodka's for awhile now.
27. I'm too scared to change too much too fast.
28. All my grandparents have passed away.
29. When I was little, my parents taught me to say "passed gas" instead of "fart"€.
30. I sucked my thumb until I was 8.
31. I remember the day I stopped.
32. It was the same day I lost my blankie at a pizza restaurant. The bus boy thought it was a rag and threw it away. I thought my life was over.
33. It wasn't.
34. I've only had my eyebrows waxed once.
35. I find it very unnecessary.
36. I wish I could find a guy I can trust.
37. I'm no good at dating.
38. I'm even worse at flirting.
39. And even worse at pretending to care.
40. I'm not big on hugging people.
41. I hate kissing people on the cheeks when I see them.
42. If a guy shakes my hand too loosely, I immediately think he's a tool.
43. My parents were huge hippies. Then they had me, and hid the hookas and tapestries. I wish they hadn't done that.
44. Someone is playing Ben Harper right now, and I wish they were playing it louder.
45. Emails are just a quicker way for me to make a fool of myself.
46. I jump the gun a lot.
47. I cry too much.
48. My back usually hurts.
49. I really like Cherry Garcia ice cream. But haven't had it in awhile.
50. Damn calories.
51. I can play a few notes of Wish You Were Here on my guitar.
52. I've knitted 4 scarves, half of a bag, fingerless gloves, a hat and a wrist band.
53. Oh yeah, I'm a copywriter at ad Advertising Agency.
54. People generally like me.
55. I've been in one girl fight. No hair pulling. More like beer tossing.
56. I used to laugh sort of like a donkey. I've stopped, but every now and then...
57. I much rather watch a million comedic movies, before seeing a dramatic one.
58. I like going to see a band that I can dance to.
59. I wish I could dance like an idiot more often, but no one here will do that with me. And it's no fun looking like an idiot by yourself.
60. Here = Royal Oak, Michigan
61. I much rather use a Mac than a PC.
62. Right now, at my desk I have both. Ugh.
63. I have way too many loans.
64. I went to University of Florida and actually graduated in 4 years!
65. Then I went to Portfolio Center for 2 years.
66. I think I miss school more and more these days.
67. Especially when I wake up at 6:30 to go to the gym and start my day, usually with some kind of meeting.
68. I'm not quite sure I want kids- ever.
69. If I do have kids though, I won't have that many.
70. And if I have these said kids, I'll probably be a stay at home mom.
71. And I'd take them to the park a lot.
72. I love parks.
73. I love hiking too.
74. I love laying on the beach on a breezy sunny day.
75. I used to live 20 minutes from a beach.
76. Mmmm..
77. I like to listen to the music in my car really, really loud.
78. Dogs are cool, but I don't think I'll ever own one again.
79. Cats are much easier.
80. In my lifetime, I've had too many fish to count, 2 dogs and 5 cats.
81. I have a half sister. But the way I see it, she's my real sister and we've just starting getting close.
82. She's 12 years older than me.
83. We were both born on the 13th. And if you add that together you get the day my mom was born (26th for you math impaired).
84. I love making lists.
85. I like holding the remote control.
86. I hate being sick.
87. I went to the hospital last year for food poisoning.
88. I wear glasses.
89. I hate them. I want contacts.
90. I never really had the whole pimple/teenage problem. I think I was lucky.
91. I was never really popular. I just sort of floated by.
92. I have a lot of pretty friends.
93. If I go to a bar I find a corner and sit there.
94. I have this gross habit where I pick at my lips. I try to stop, but I can't. It's either that or chain smoking. So, lips it is.
95. Almost every time I go home, I fight with my dad.
96. I don't go home as much as I used to.
97. I used to think I was adopted. Even when my mom showed me my birth certificate, I thought it was a fake.
98. I have a video of my grandma when she was 12. And I look exactly like her. Scary!
99. Every woman in my family has big boobs except for me. I'm sort of happy about this.
100. Man, I could keep going with this, but then I'd never get any work done.
101. Bye.

People should be taken out back and shot.

I'll give you a short circuit!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I was all prepared for Desperate Housewives, and then Jessie Constapulus from Full House was on my TV. What da fuck! I didn't ask for an olsen twin reunion. Oh, wait, it's some lame show with some has been who just got a divorce from another has been. Right, I'll be changing the channel to something much better. To: Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. Ugh. I watched 5 minutes of this and immediately ran to find my roommates guns. What a crap movie. And I was so surprised by the star rating it received on my on demand rater system. Some fool gave it 3 stars! 3 stars! Didn't Forrest Gump get 3 stars. Who makes these bogus rating systems? I need to speak to you morons.

So, after that mess, I thought for sure the next hbo movie I see must be an academy award winning flick or it's to sleep I go. And sure enough, another hugely ignored movie by the Oscars: Short Circuit.

I couldn't believe I liked that shit when I was young. Alley Sheedy and da Gut (jessie!). Could they not find any work? Did their agents plop these scripts on their desks and say, "This will make you a star, baby. A star!" Now, I can't really remember much of the movie because I got into it again at the last 10 minutes. And I think I actually liked Short Circuit 2 better for some reason. But I'm even wondering who thought to make this crap into a sequel. I mean did people come out of the movie theater just begging for more of this funny robot with the stupid human sidekick. Were we that naive in the 80's? That desperate for a talking robots. I mean, who didn't laugh their asses off with Mac and Me, but that was an alien not a robot. The only type of robot I want to see is the Arnold, naked coming from the future in The Terminator. Ah, I said my peace. Now I can go back to work with the rest of you people.

Ta ta for now.

Another day.

Who takes these crap stock pictures!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

So, I went to work for a few hours yesterday. Then I just got really exhausted, and all I wanted to do is watch Sex and the City. So, that's exactly what I did, until Maya and Steve came over and then it was drinks and bowling and more drinks and more drinks and more- I think you get it. I swear, it seems like I'm some lush in this blog, but really it's because I'm 26, single and it seems to be a good way to go and see what Royal Oak is all about.

I hadn't been bowling in a real long time, and was introduced to the newest jukebox technology. In the middle of the bowling alley was a huge screen where videos would play. It was a video jukebox! Who comes up with this stuff? I was amazed. Maybe because I was already fucked up. Or maybe because I was confused why anyone would pick a Brian McKnight song.

Because I had this fun night with friends, I'm paying for it now. I'm so overwhelmed with so much work to do, that I have a feeling I'll be in my room all day on this damn computer. At least I get to be at home. That's a huge plus. I get to sit on my bed, in my robe, while listening to bluegrass and not have constant phone calls or things getting routed to me. I'd love to just work from home. But then I wouldn't really meet anyone, and at this point in my life meeting people is a must. Okay, well I can't procrastinate any longer. All work and no play makes Barrie a dull girl.

peace.

I'm too hungover to look for pictures.

Ugh. I haven't felt like this since 2 years ago, when I had to force myself to throwup after an all night bender. And I only had 2 and 1/2 drinks! I guess now that I'm back to my college weight, I've become a wimp. Who am I kidding, I've always been a wimpy drinker (you can tell by the cranberry and vodka lining around my mouth). Anyhoo, at least I didn't throw up all over the bar like a certain someone did last night. Poor guy. And poor Potter for cleaning up his mess. What a great partner. If I blew all my chunks all over a bar, I'm thinking Leo would just point and laugh. Am I right, or am I right? So, when I made it back to my house (how did I do this, I haven't the faintest clue?) I had the worst spins ever. I actually tried to prop myself up, because I felt, in my drunken state of mind, that if I slept vertically that my head would stop spinning. Then I don't remember what happened, except that I woke up at 7 (stupid me for setting my alarm that early) not wanting to go to the gym because a)I felt like ass and b)If I went, my pores would have exploded with the stench of alcohol and cigarettes and that does not smell pretty. So, I fell back to sleep and finally got my lazy ass out of bed at around 8ish. Luckily, today is a studio day so I can pretty much hide. And I think I'm feeling better enough to actually make it to the gym. But to clue you in, here are a few words from last night's activities:

1) "Everyone hates you! Stop that."

2) "So, all your friends are alcoholics.... Interesting."

3) "Even the Catholic one?"

4) "He said what to you!"

5) "It's not that far of a walk. But I don't really know where it is."

6) "Are we there yet?"

7) "You're pretty, smart and a good person. In that order."

T-minus 11 minutes...

Shit, I totally forgot about talking about this!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Sorry to be a bloghog (did I just make up a word!), but I totally forgot to talk about Today's Special. For the longest time I thought I had made up this show in my head, because no one else had ever heard of it. Whenever I described it, it was a twist between the movie Mannequin and The Muppets and Mister Rogers. Anyhoo, it was fab-u-lous! Finally, about a few months ago someone remembered the show and I felt at ease. I didn't feel crazy anymore (at least for that day). So, I swear when I was watching a tribute to Willard, the hack weatherman, on The Today Show, they showed an old clip/montages of him making an ass of himself and one such clip was of him and one of the Today's Specials character. I almost shat myself. But I'm glad I didn't because I'm wearing my cute black pants today, and that would have just been ugly.

Yay! 7 minutes left.....

T-minus 28 minutes...

It's almost time to get way-sted.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I think I might leave work on time today. Yay for making it to pilates! Yay for TJ leaving the agency so I have an excuse to get fucking blitzed (do we say that anymore?) and maybe do some serious flirting. Yay for lots of meetings that actually went in my favor today! And yay for me being at the studio tomorrow, and you know what that means- FREE LUNCH (AND MAYBE DINNER TOO!).

So, I was talking with a friend of mine about the whole ex with new skank situation, and as I tell her about how they met (through the onion personals!), she asks "What's The Onion?". I'm dumbfounded. Keep in mind, this is the same girl that I've talked about in a previous blog about saying stupid shit, but huh?!, who doesn't know what The Onion is except for maybe my parents and people that live in Mississippi (sorry, caitlin). Get with the program you 20 somethings! Read a little, learn a lot, laugh a shit ton. Maybe some people are just oblivious. Or maybe I'm just a snob.

Anyway, I'm really just wasting time writing this blog right now. It's only 5:09 and of course I'm trying to easedrop on conversations while planning my escape while writing said blog. And I'm no good surfing the internet right now. Too antsy to do anything but leave in ooh, 20 minutes!

PEACE.

Should I even get into this one?

I'm the king of the world! Shit, wrong movie...
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

So, I've been missing tv this week. I didn't get to see the Contender. Was it any good? Is it worth wasting an hour of my time. And more importantly, since it will be on Sunday's if it's on during Simpsons, Arrested Development or Desperate Housewives then forget about it.

Now, for something strange. This blogging thing is totally like the weirdness. (Did I just sound like a valley girl? Good, that was the effect I was going for.) I wrote something awhile back about The American Copywriter, and then someone from that agency wrote a comment on my blog (yay for comments on blogs)! To me, that is just so strange how small the world is that someone found me. Did he google American Copywriter and my blog came up? Has he been a loyal reader (that means him and my mom should talk because I think she is the only true fan I have)? I mean this blog is how I communicate to some real life friends. Like my friend Jessie, who lives in Spain, and can't afford to call me all the time so she just reads my blog to get the everyday insight into my sad pathetic life. But, maybe I'll get a job from this blog. Oh, how I wish I could put my portfolio on here. That would kick huge Oprah Winfrey in the 80's ass.

Man, am I going all over the place or what? This week has just been too weird for me to be focused on anything, let alone this piece of craparbage.

Ah, shit. Work calls!

Maybe I'll feel better if I do this:

Who took this really bad stock photo? Step foward!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

1)Shoot herion.

2)Say things I shouldn't say about my job on this blog. Boy, would that be a doozy.

3)Surgically remove my tear ducts.

4)Find Brad Pitt and move away with him to an island where I can watch tivo, blog, knit and look out at the shark free ocean that was made just for me.

5)Get really fucking trashed on Thursday and kiss any random boy, EVEN, if I work with him! I don't care if I look like some people who have done this before (anyone remember a certain Christmas Party?).

6)Buy a lotto ticket, win on my first try and repeat number 4, but invite all my friends to live on said island with me. My treat!

7)Go to a beach and just get a tan and listen to the same cd over and over again until I fall asleep. Ahhhhhhh.....

8)Find a time machine. Do a lot of things differently. Then return to present day, where I'd be a movie critic/underground magazine writer/travel writer/own a vintage furniture store.

9)Realize, as my mother said,"Everything happens in 3's. Your luck will change soon. But just in case, don't drive on any train tracks."

good-bye!

Life is like a bunch of hot gooey crap oozing from your ass and landing on my head.

Can anything else be going wrong?
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

So, you wanna know how bad it is right now. Not only has the last few weeks been horrible for the reasons explained in past blogs, and other personal shit I can't get into, but now I have to move!

That's right, the roommate, AKA- "THE BEST LAY EVER" (or at least that's what his ex-girlfriend has been saying and somehow got back to me- eww- hehe), is moving. Not sure when, but all I know is that I don't want to really stay here to begin with and now I already have to move. I've only been here 7 months. Just started getting comfortable with this bohunk neighborhood and now I have to move to Ferndale. Which I guess isn't bad at all, but just the idea of packing all my shit again when I don't even have time to tweeze my eyebrows because I'm at work morning noon and night, weekends and holidays and even while I'm sleeping. And now I'm supposed to do all the hassles of moving. Ugh. What the fuck god! I'm so scared to get on a plane or stand outside during a thunderstorm because I just have a feeling I'll for sure die. Someone has it in for me. Someone is testing me with how much I can handle in one month. And I'm tough, but not that tough. I really don't know how much more I can take of all this. I really wouldn't be surprised if the universe exploded within the next few minutes. Be warned. It might just happen.

He loves me not.

Why I hate everything in the world today!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Wah wah. So, found out today that the ex is seeing someone new. He beat me to it, damn it. And of course I got mad, sad, the feeling of vomitting at the studio and wanting to smoke a whole entire carton of Marbolo Ultra Lights.

He tells me over the internet (loser, grow some fucking balls), and then I find out he met said skank (sorry so bitter, but i'm still in an emotional state, so skank it is) through the onion personals. To that, I became furious and ended up writing this:

an online girlfriend! what a fucking loser, you are! maybe you two can be one of those couples promoting
match.com or some shit. go fuck yourself.

I really need to hire some type of crew that keeps an eye on me when I become emotionally unstable, because when I go crazy and write things like this, I just end up feeling like nothing was accomplished. Except for the fact that I just showed the roommate this and we both laughed our asses off. So, maybe it was a good thing.

Either way, crazy Barrie comes out once in a blue moon, and when she does, stand back, hide the guns and take cover. It gets ugly. Damn you dad for giving me the crazy gene. Damn me for getting so worked up over a relationship that's been over for 7 months. Ugh. Good news is I got an extension on a print assignment, so at least I have something to be mildly happy about. Slitting wrists might not be in order after all.

I need to take out my frustration somewhere. Maybe I'll become an alcoholic! Fucking asshole wasting 3 years of my life, when it should have been over at year 1! Fucking me for believing he'd change and come around and want to marry me because why else would someone stick around for 3 years? Everyone always said how nice he was, and what a great person he was, but really he was a fucking wimp who didn't have the cojones (sp?) to tell me the fucking truth, so instead I ended up moving in with him and wasted more time dealing with his shit. And to think he still has some of my dead grandma's towels. I bet you right now him and his new cyber-girlfriend are wiping their asses on my dead grandma's towels, just laughing about how great they are. I'm way too stupid. Ugh ugh ugh. When is life going to get any better, because so far it's been this downward mudslide towards the crappiest of holes.

Did you know this?

Holy shit, that's Ralph Macchio!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I for shit didn't know that good ol' Ralphy was 23 when he did El Karate Kid. That makes him 44 now. I always thought he like 14 when he made that movie. I mean he looked like a scrawny little Screech. Imagine how hard it was for him to get dates? He probably was carded up until like 5 years ago. I was going to write much much more on this, but Nicole just came by to talk about doing spec work so I guess I should be doing that now.

peace.

Mwhahahaha. Ha!

They're all mine!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

So, I finally finished my fingerless gloves. They look nothing like that picture to the right. They are badass and purple and I love them. And now Nicole is so jealous of them and was about to steal them, but I'm mean and selffish so I told her to get away from my kickass gloves, go make your own. And she will, because she's like that.

So, it's Saturday and I'm at work. I've been here for about 6 hours now and I think I'm going stir fucking crazy. Things look fuzzy. The glare from the computer is blinding, and I can't stop listening to the Buena Vista Social Club. Especially the song Chan Chan. For some reason I've been getting really into international music. Maybe it's a new stage in my life, or maybe I'm just losing it. With that said, I think I need a drink. Wasn't planning on going to this party that takes place in an hour. I actually had to renig my rsvp, but now I think I'll crash it and see how drunk I can get before I make an ass of myself. I give it 3-4 glasses of wine tops.

Word.

My mommy is cooler than yours.

This isn't my mom, but she looks cool too.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

So, it's been a long fuck off day. But I'm about to get the heck out of here to get fucking trashed. Before I do, I'd like to share with you a little survey my mommy (yes, I call her mommy, what's it to you?) filled out for me. Her answers are cute. Or at least I think so.

Your name: Marcia Arliss

Where did we meet: In the labor & delivery room when you were born

Take a stab at my middle name: Alana

Do I believe in God: sometimes

How long have you known me: 26 yrs

What was your first impression of me upon meeting: that you were the
most beautiful baby

Color of my eyes: green

Do I have any siblings: yes

What's one of my favorite things to do: knit, play guitar, hike

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you: da da

What's my favorite type of music: all kinds

Whatis the best feature about me: your face

Am I shy or outgoing: you were shy but as a woman you have become very
out going

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: a little of each

What's your favorite memory of me: too may to mention

Any special talents: everything you do is special

Would you consider me a friend: yes & a great daughter

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: bar

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I
bring? Your knitting needles & IPOD


P.S. I just started to knit, so I think everyone thinks I'm on some knitting bandwagon. This is exactly what happened to me when I had a curious george calendar. Someone thought I was obsessed with curious george and from then on that's the only crap I got. The madness stopped at one point, but every now and then someone gets the bright idea to give me some stupid curious george shit. No offense to those, but I'm not 5 anymore.

Word.

This blog might suck, but see if I care!

DJ McSatan strikes again.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Hey,

Okay. I'm a little calmer today. Too much drama the last few days, but things to be a lot smoother. Can't go into details, and honestly don't want you strangers knowing that much about me. Anyway, I've been trying to catch up on my adcritc especially since they send me like 50 emails a week. So, as I was reading one, I came across this:



American Copywriter


They have this Car Talk/NPR kinda feel, but without the helpless people asking about the weird problems they have with their crap car. I've only listened to them once, because I just don't have the time, but I liked them. I wanted to be them. I want to bullshit about good/crap ads, and talk about movies and other shit that drives me insane. How do people know people so that they can do shit like this? I know no one. Maybe it's because I'm young. Maybe it's because I'm on the shy side. Maybe it's because some ad people are so stuck on themselves that I don't even want to bother.

Now for changing the subject... I just put two post-its on my computer reminding me to do important shit. I walk away to take a dump and when I come back, the post-its aren't posting anymore. What the fuck post-it? Why do you claim to be all sticky and shit when in all reality you're just a stickless piece of yellow paper. What good are you when you can't do the one job I bought you for. ahhhhhhhhh!

I blame the chicken foot.

That's me under all that shit.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything in your whole little tiny fucking universe is for some reason going to shit. I'm having one of those weeks. Please mom, no phone calls. I'm at a constant state of almost crying and I hate it. I'm not even depressed! It's just that with every passing day something else is going wrong. Someone else is bitching at me about something. Someone else is scamming me. Something is breaking on me. Someone is telling me I'm not good enough. Someone is dying. Everything just fucking blows. I'm starting to think that damn chicken foot (see previous posts) really was some fucked up voodoo thing, and now I'm really paying for it. Last week was fab, this week was the complete opposite of fab. It's been baf (fab backwards- get it- ah, fuck you!). Just to let you know how bad this week's been, I woke up at 5 am (fuck, that's fucking early) and I actually scared myself looking at the mirror because it looked like someone beat me with the ugliest stick they could find. No cucumber facial was gonna fix this mess of a face. So, I went to the gym and probably scared everyone away, but I don't care because it's been the shittest week ever.

Okay, it's back to work I go.

Bye Maya!

P.S. I'm not watching any bachelor type show anymore. That was the crappiest crap I've ever had to sit through. Worse than Wendy Pecker making it to the final 3 of Project Runway.