Thank you for not smoking.

You know what I hate right now?

Not smoking.

It fucking sucks. I hate not going outside with my friends. I hate sucking on this lollipop, and the 20 other lollipops I've had this morning. I hate the fact that my hands don't smell funny and that I can actually wear the clothes I wore today again tomorrow.

I hate walking around without a lighter. I hate that the bums don't talk to me anymore. I hate not having that excuse to leave a situation because I want a cigarette (which is very often). I hate the fact that I'm scared to go to any drinking event because I might cave in.

I hate that my boss has asked me twice to bum a smoke and I couldn't give him one. I hate that my coworkers seem to be having 3x as many breaks as normal. I hate that I want to go outside and sniff each and every one of them. I hate that I had to talk to people on my cell phone last night without one. I hate that when I asked the cigarette dude around the corner for some change he said only if I bought something, but all he sells are numchucks and cigarettes. I hate saving money. I hate living healthier. I hate not coughing. I hate how I have more energy on the ellipitical machine. I hate being scared that I'll gain lots of weight (I'm going to the health food store to get sugar free lollipops, because no other grocery store carries shit like that, and now instead of lung cancer I'll get cavities).

I hate walking, eating, sleeping, having sex, talking, going to parties, playing games, laughing, driving, watching movies, sitting near fires, camping, laying out, sitting at the park, being at a festival, multi-tasking and being awake without a cigarette.

But 10 years is way too long.

Another reason I love my Ipod.

So, when I moved here, I downloaded a bunch of shit onto my ipod and that's when I discovered the wonderful world of podcasts. Free podcasts! NPR podcasts! Podcasts that talk about sex!

But the one I'm currently addicted to is Keith and The Girl.

After hearing a few recent episodes, I decided to start from the beginning, which took place over a year ago. So that means I have to listen to a shit ton of podcasts to catch up. This of course makes the news/gossip portions of their podcasts kinda confusing, but also kinda freakin' awesome.

I listen to them constantly. Keith is a comedian. He acts all tough and shit, but you just know he's probably such a nice guy. And Chemda is just another jew. She sounds like my mom, and it actually amazes me that she doesn't smoke cause she has that smoker from the Bronx jewy talk, that my mom has, down to a tee. They are quite the duo and I hope they never break up because they consistently make me laugh when they're talking about Chemda's tribe or their clown-hating hijinks.

But the only part that embarrasses me is that I find myself laughing all over town. People must think I fit in perfectly with the rest of the crazies here, because I laugh out loud a lot when I listen to them. I'm at the gym, holding in my laughter, thus I'm just smiling like a fool. On the bus, I randomly laughed out loud once and I swear someone looked at me with crazy eyes. And when I'm just sitting at the park, I feel like people are turning around looking at me like, what the hell is this chicky laughing at? What could be so damn funny? Well, Keith and the Girl, you stupid fuck! So, I say listen to them. It might take a few podcasts to get used to their humor, but they are worth wasting an hour of your day for.

Side note: As I was writing this blog (from the floor next to my front door, cause that's the only place I get free internet) I've heard a commercial twice for Planned Parenthood. But instead of your normal, Hey get pills and abortions for free! boring boring blah blah, they actually made the commercial into some 1980's rap video. It kinda went something like this:

So you wanna get checked,
but you don't have the dough.
Come to Planned Parenthood,
you won't regret it yo! Yo!

I seriously shit you not.

Help me make millions.

So, I decided what I really need to do in life is to be on permenant vacation. I know, I know. This isn't a new idea or anything. Everyone wants to win the lotto, everyone wants the beach with a view and nothing to do. But I really want it. Take last week for example. I had such a great time. The days just flew by, and suddenly it's 6:15 am and I had to go to work today. Ugh. It's like the vacation just went away out of nowhere. Like it never happened.

How come you can't win millions from eating lots of apples and peanut butter? None of the healthy food I get has a secret code in its cap promising my instant prize inside. All I want is a few quick mil so I can redo last week over and over again. Is that too much to ask?

Well, is it?!

YAYAYAYAYAYYAYA

Sorry blog. I've been slacking, but really truly I have a good excuse. My dog ate my homework and the traffic was horrible. Mainly, it's work related. Lots o' projects to do and not enough hours in the day to spend on the internet. You know how it goes, right, blog? Don't be mad.

Speaking of not blogging I won't be in all next week. Ya know why? Cause I'm taking a week off! Mike just came and I was gonna introduce him to the work people, but I have meetings back to back and he'd just be bored. I mean why spend time in an office when he just got away from it? So anyway, he's home and I should be there right now holding hands and shit, but instead I'm here. Only 3 hours to go till the end of Friday!!!

My plans for the following workless week?

-We're going to a fair tomorrow where one of the highlights includes seeing naked bikers roam the Seattle streets. That's right, naked people biking.

-Olympic National Park: Where we'll visit the rain forest, hike around and soak in hot springs, where it's recommended that you don't bring a bathing suit (apparently this week will have lots of nakedness- hehe).

-Vancouver: Where we'll see some of Chinatown, a Chinese Garden that's supposed to be cool and maybe, hopefully find one of those coffeeshops (the kind that doesn't have coffee).

So, that's all. A relaxing week starts in t-minus 2 hours and 18 minutes! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!

P.S. Happy Birthday Kelly, Caitlin and Jen.

I'll just Patch this right up.

I remember, as a kid, whenever I was sick, whomever wasn't working at the time would end up taking care of me. I think my mom worked weird hours as a nurse way, way back in the day so I usually got her. This was always much more fun, cause she'd rent Dragnet and we'd watch really horrible soaps together. Her two favorites were Another World (which I believe has been off the air for some years now) and Days of Our Lives (which will live on until that fucking hourglass breaks in half and sticky old sand pours out). I believe we both had a crush on 2 main characters. Patch and Bo. They were both bad boys, and if that doesn't explain our relationships here on out I don't know what does. To make things super easy, Patch was named properly, because he wore a patch (not because he was a pirate, but because of some freak accident and to make him look more bad ass I guess). Bo was just the long haired dreamboat who was always losing his one true love, Hope (don't you just love these soap opera names???). These characters always come and go. Like I remember the day Deidre Hall died off, and my mom actually taped the episode where she came back to life about 5 years later. She was in a cave, taken hostage or something. But of course, when she woke up she was wearing makeup and just had her hair done. Patch and many others have died since I stopped watching this crap, and haven't returned.... UNTIL NOW!

That's right Mom. Patch and Chris (? the one that used to be married to Jen) are back! They actually look exactly the same. I only saw about 10 seconds of this momumental commercial and the neighbors must think I'm a weirdo cause I couldn't stop laughing.

April Fool's Day in June.

So, when the interactive group was moved into a new space (same building, same floor, just different area) we all noticed the big map of the world, that's freestanding and looks just like something out of a bad war movie. On our first day in this room, someone wrote that a co-worker was to be recruited to the Lahor agency, in Pakistan. He believed it, and was confused. So everyone just ran with it. Our boss had meetings with him saying that he'll be going there for a month to redo their company's website. He was obviously a little worried, but kinda excited. Then the entire agency got involved. The head honcho was told what was going on and thought the prank was so hilarious that he wanted to be apart of it too. So, the honcho even scheduled a conference call with the prankee saying how proud he is for taking one for the team, and that when he goes he probably shouldn't say that he's American, and instead say he's Canadian. Our other co-workers started making itineraries for his flight plan and hotel stays. They even scheduled for him to have a toot toot as his mode of transporation. All the while, he was convinced he was really going for some assignment. Finally, yesterday we had a "going away party" for him at some bar, and our boss made a toast. At the end, our boss finally revealed that he need not worry because he's not really going. He was a good sport, and wasn't too pissed. And we're pretty sure we're all gonna get our paybacks pretty soon. I think he's planning a trip to Home Depot this weekend...

Did I mention that I love my job/Seattle?

Gold indeed.

So, I belong to Gold's Gym because it's walkable to my apartment and pretty cheap. It's your standard gym, except unlike all the old people at the Ferndale Y, this one is known as the gay gym (and I am not, despite what my mother thought in college). It's honestly way better than any other gym I've been too. I don't have to worry about being cute (not like I ever did) and everyone is very friendly.

But the major plus is that there aren't any body building, grunters that usually stare at themselves too much in the weight area. Instead I get awesome characters. Like the dude who is so into the ellipitical machine that he let's everyone know by singing and throwing his arms up in the air. I kinda wish I would see him everyday, because he makes me laugh and we've never even talked. Seriously, whatever he's listening to or doing all the time must be the most fun ever. He was bouncing around like he had front row tickets to a Madonna concert.

I've never had that much fun on the ellipitical. I think the most fun I've had working out was when Kelly (shout out!) and I went to the park awhile back and did the "Friends" run, where you run like a child, with your arms and legs flaring out like you just don't care who sees. It actually kinda worked as I hate running, and it at least made us laugh.

Picture this.

So, I just scanned a bunch of old pictures of my family so that they just don't sit in a box at my dad/mom's place. And it's all kinda crazy when you look at old pictures. I definitely look like my grandma, which must mean when I get old I'll lose 5 inches, bake a lot and gain 100 pounds (mostly in the boob region). As a kid, I definitely looked like my dad and now I kinda see my mom in me. Not sure what's good or bad, but I love these old pictures. I'm gonna put them in old frames and smother my house with them. Maybe I'll even make them into coasters or something.

I'm feeling inspired. Maybe it's Seattle. Maybe it's this craft fair I went to. Maybe it's my new very awesome job. Maybe it's a lot of things.

Bums of the bummers

I walk around a lot in Seattle. There's a park not even a block away. And I live in a very up and coming area, where shops and restaurants and bums are abound.

I remember when I lived in NYC for a short while, that the one thing I couldn't stand were all those damn people. And even worse, all the bums asking you for shit. Seattle is by no means like NY, but recently, the bums find me and decide, "She's a good target to bother. Let's attack!"

No matter what I'm doing, at any given time, I get at least 5 people asking me for something. At 6:30am, while walking over to the gym, I had a bum ask me for a cigarette (when I clearly wasn't having one, what with my gym clothes on). I obviously said no.

Then there's the cell phone thing. Seems like people love asking me questions when I'm having a personal conversation on my cell phone. You wouldn't bother someone who's talking in a phone booth, so bums of the world should use that common respect for all people on a phone. Not a day goes by, where I'm on my phone in the park and someone asks me for directions, a cigarette, some money and/or my blood. I either answer them or just ignore, but one of these days I know I might flip out and then the bum will kill me with his shopping cart and I'll be on KOMO news.

Awesome.

P.S. My friend Carl is officially famous. He did those new VW Jetta commercials, the ones where people stereotype you for owning a Jetta. I was so proud of him, I actually picked up the phone and told him so. Congrats again!

Hail on Burgers

That's what we named our weekend at The Gorge. I'm so glad I decided to go for 2 days to Sasquatch, as everything was too much fun. Let's share some moments, shall we?

1. The bands. Honestly, the first day was kinda a blur. I don't really remember seeing anything up until Ben Harper and Flaming Lips. I do know that you should all go see Flaming Lips, because they put on a real fun show, complete with dancing santas and aliens. And the lead singer came out in a huge ball and was thrown out into the crowd, via the ball. Total insanity!
Beck and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah were also highlights! I missed most of the one band I wanted to see (Architecture in Helsinki) but I made it for Do the Whirlwind, so I was happy.

2. The HAIL! During Neko Case, it suddenly got a little chilly, then rainy, then HAIL! FOR 30 MINUTES! People couldn't do anything but laugh and huddle. 2 of our 4some went to get us all burgers, so now me and my friend were hiding underneath someone elses blanket, then we decided to run to a safer place, because the blanket was only doing so much as these pellets were kinda starting to hurt. We luckily ran into our 2 friends, who luckily kept the burgers safe. The whole scene was priceless. We were all running and screaming and laughing. Everyone! It was hilarious, and honestly I think that kinda made the whole experience worth while.

3. Dominic. He is one of those guys who's friends with everyone, and he was with us for this little trip. He immediately bartered beer for food at our campsite and we all quickly made friends with our neighbors. The second day there, we kinda lost him and on the third morning he still hadn't showed up. Apparently, he was so drunk that he lost his glasses and who knows what he did, but he didn't sleep at all because he was looking for our tents without any success. Finally, on Monday at around 8amish he wanders in still trashed. It was all too much. What a character. He definitely added to the trip.

And there you have it. We laughed a lot. Listened to a lot of music. And made some friends along the way.